


a secret made for two

by mollivanders



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Established Relationship, F/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 22:30:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11000337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mollivanders/pseuds/mollivanders
Summary: She may not have the words to say it, or trust herself enough to say them, but she does trust some things. She trusts the way he holds her, his embrace certain and warm, and she trusts the way she reaches for him, knowing he will be there. She trusts the way they tangle together, and the words that do spill from his mouth when nobody else can hear. She trusts the way they move in sync, and without speaking – she, who has never felt comfortable with speeches, feels something like comfort at last.Somehow, that makes it more difficult to keep – whatever this is – secret.





	a secret made for two

**Author's Note:**

> Gift for an anonymous ask - May the 40th Prompt Gifts.

They’ve only been – well, she doesn’t know what to call it. _Dating_ is too small a word for what Cassian is to her, but she doesn’t want to claim more just yet. There are words and oaths which, once said, cannot be taken back, and neither of them stand on particularly steady ground when it comes to – whatever this is.

She may not have the words to say it, or trust herself enough to say them, but she does trust some things. She trusts the way he holds her, his embrace certain and warm, and she trusts the way she reaches for him, knowing he will be there. She trusts the way they tangle together, and the words that _do_ spill from his mouth when nobody else can hear. She trusts the way they move in sync, and without speaking – she, who has never felt comfortable with speeches, feels something like comfort at last.

Somehow, that makes it more difficult to keep – whatever this is – secret.

They’d agreed, after all. There were many reasons to keep their new relationship private, from prying eyes to Rebel protocol. Draven, for one, would not be excited about his favorite spy being compromised, and Rieeken would be almost as displeased with his best new soldier forming attachments to the base. Beyond that, they knew themselves well enough for this – this was too new, in too many ways, to risk.

“You’re not just embarrassed to be seen with me?” she jokes early one morning, pulling her boots on to slip out of his quarters. There’s a shadow behind his eyes that stills her voice and he reaches out, looping her hair back behind her ear, before shaking his head.

“The Rebellion,” he begins to explain, “has many expectations. Rules govern everything.” His voice lilts across to her in the darkness, a whisper on the night. Feeling too far from him, she reaches for his hand and covers it with her own, smiling as his hand turns up under hers. “It would a lot to expect of anybody.” Their fingers curl together and she tilts her head, meeting his gaze until the corner of his mouth tugs upwards. “But I am not embarrassed,” he adds. Her breath catches as he leans forward, his lips grazing hers. “In fact, it is quite the opposite.”

Still, they find themselves in awkward positions. They sit together at meetings and debriefs, which would not be strange but for the way their hands seek each other out, or how they find the darkest corners to stand in, or how when one is held back to speak with an officer, the other waits, lingering in the halls of Echo Base. They eat together, walk together, fight together, and one day, she thinks, they may die together.

(She wonders how long this can last, and clings even harder to the scraps they have built .)

+

“Is there something I should know about you and Sergeant Erso?” Draven asks him one morning without preamble, and Cassian finds himself snapping to attention.

“Sergeant Erso is a valued ally,” he says, betraying nothing, but Draven’s life revolves around spies. He stares Cassian down but the younger man does not relent, although his hands clasped behind his back strain with the effort.

“I hope not,” Draven says. “Sergeant Erso is a risk for any asset, captain.”

The words rattle in his ears as he leaves, Jyn falling into casual step with him as they head to the hangar bay. He isn’t loquacious on a usual day but something gives him away as Jyn looks at him, alert confusion stealing across her face.

“Something wrong?” she asks, trusting instincts that serve her on a battlefield, and he flinches.

“No,” he answers, keeping his gaze straight ahead. “Just a delay.”

She doesn’t look like she believes him and he doesn’t blame her. He can tell when her mood shifts, even when nobody else can, and it’s a signal that goes both ways. Relentless, he shoves his hands into his jacket and stares ahead, aware that his odd behavior is only gathering more of her attention.

They just have to be more careful, he decides. They can do that.

Still, his hands have never felt more empty.

(When she leaves for a month, his hands are emptier still.)

+

When they land, she stumbles out of the ship with the rest of the Pathfinders, wanting nothing more than to disappear into the crowd. Her eyes scan the rebels milling about the hangar until she spots a familiar figure across the way, eyes fixed on her in turn.

“Debrief in two hours, Erso!” the pilot calls after her and she waves back without looking, weaving her way across the hangar to Cassian. When she reaches him he steps into silent sync with her and if it weren't for the twitch of his hands beside him, she’d think he didn’t miss her at all.

Maybe, she worries, he didn’t.

(The slender threads of their foundation suddenly seem too slender, too fragile, and she braces herself for the fall.)

She takes the lead this time, threading through the halls of Echo Base with practiced familiarity until she finds a storage unit, out of the way and quiet. The door opens with a hiss and Cassian follows her inside, casting a look behind him before the darkness envelops them.

“Cassian?” she asks, her eyes still adjusting, preparing herself, and then suddenly he is there, holding her tightly. She catches the anxious breaths from his lungs, relief flooding her own, and instinct guides her hands, holding him closer, until his breaths evens out.

“Welcome home,” he murmurs next to her and a laugh breaks from her lips, palpable relief in the darkness as his nose bumps against her own. “I thought you didn’t miss me,” she murmurs, curling up on her toes, and feels the slide of his smile against her lips, a promise of more to come. “I thought you were still - ”

Words fail her again, but Cassian has always found them easier than she.

“I wasn’t supposed to,” he admits, and rests his forehead against hers. He makes a frustrated noise in the back of his throat and shuts his eyes. “Draven knows, and disapproves. It's against the rules.”

_Ah._

“Well,” she says, strategy pooling in her mind, “does he _know_? Or does he just _think_ he knows?” Her fingers curling at his nape, playing with dark strands, and Cassian looks at her, the glint of a spy her answer. “ _I_ think,” she adds with emphasis, “we can break some rules.”

“Some?” he asks, almost laughing, and she grins. “More,” she amends, stepping closer, aching for words to be done.

His eyes darken and as he leans in, she draws a shaky breath. His kiss is a brand, sharp and burning as she pulls him closer, and fleetingly she thinks that she's never leaving for a month again. Leaning back under his touch, she forgets where she is as a flame spreads across her from her head to her toes, and Cassian’s hands trace down her sides.

“Rebel,” he murmurs, breaking free, but it’s only a breath before she kisses him again.

(She supposes, after all, that there are rules for that too.)

_Finis_

**Author's Note:**

> I am [ladytharen](http://ladytharen.tumblr.com) at Tumblr if you want to say hi :)


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